


Bad Klaine Smut

by quizasvivamos



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Cosplay, Costumes, Dry Humping, Furry, Hand Jobs, Humor, Light BDSM, M/M, Mirror Sex, Parody, Puns & Word Play, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Semi-Public Sex, Sexual Humor, Sexual Roleplay, Shower Sex, Smut, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 05:05:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4508892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quizasvivamos/pseuds/quizasvivamos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of the worst (hilarious) smut drabbles you'll ever read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bad Klaine Smut

**Author's Note:**

> I've had some pretty bad writer's block lately, and for two days I wrote and posted these on tumblr. Now I'm posting them here, and I hope you can enjoy them in all their terrible, smutty, punny glory.

 

 

**#1**

“Come at me, bro!” Blaine growls. 

“Oh, I love it when you talk fratty,” Kurt moans as he pulls out and shoots thick, pearly strands of come all over Blaine’s stomach. 

* * *

**#2**

 

 

“You ready for me?” Kurt says, standing in the doorway and twirling a pair of handcuffs on his long, slender index finger.

Blaine swallows thickly and nods, every inch of his bare skin on display as he stretches himself across the mattress belly up. 

“One Hummel hummer coming up,” Kurt says with a wink. 

* * *

**#3**

 

 

Kurt lets out a filthy moan as he thrusts into Blaine from behind, into that perky and delicious ass that looks like it was baked to perfection by some sort of master chef. 

“ _Harder_ ,” Blaine groans,  _begs_ , his whole body rocking forcefully along with Kurt’s thrusts. 

“Oh, yeah,” Kurt breathes, “yeah. I’m gonna pound that so hard. Pound that dough so hard until it’s soft.” 

Blaine grips the edge of the kitchen counter harder, and then he comes just as the timer on the oven goes off. 

* * *

**#4**

 

 

Blaine has Kurt bent over the back seat of the car, Kurt’s swollen cock in his hand, stroking vigorously, and he can feel that Kurt is close to release. 

“Blaine,” Kurt whines, saying his name again and again.

“I know, I know,” Blaine says, pumping faster, like he’s working against a clock.

Their orgasms hit, and they’re both drifting in ecstasy, the world around them feeling like it’s moving.

They freeze as a loud creaking sound fills their ears. The car is in fact shifting, being lowered on the lift it was set up on for repairs. 

Burt abruptly turns and walks away to open the shop, the shame evident on both boys’ faces and burning like lava. 

* * *

**#5**

 

 

The water droplets from the shower hit Blaine’s skin, and it glistens in the sunlight burning from above. 

Kurt traces the rivulets with a finger down his back and then grasps Blaine’s hips, pushing himself up and inside him, feeling the tightness of Blaine’s ass around his cock.

Both Blaine’s hands are pressed firmly, fingers splayed, against the wall of the outdoor shower stall, and he winces a bit as he feels the added friction of grains of sand, scraping uncomfortably against their skin, remnants of their day on the beach. 

Suddenly, Kurt pulls out, jumping back in panic, and he knocks his head up against the other wall. “Don’t move,” he warns, massaging the back of his head as he stares wide-eyed at the floor by Blaine’s feet. 

“Huh?” Blaine says.

“Just, don’t move. There’s a -”

“Oh shit,” Blaine swears, locating the source of Kurt’s concern. “How did that get in here? It’s probably dead -”

“But what if it isn’t?!” Kurt says, horrified.

“I dunno, pee on it.” 

“What?!”

“You’re supposed to pee on them.”

“That’s only if they sting you, Blaine!”

The jellyfish lay in the corner of the shower, and, with some hesitation, Kurt proceeds to fuck into Blaine again, his eyes fixed warily on the translucent creature until they are finished what they came in here to do. 

* * *

**#6**

 

 

“Almost there,” Blaine says, his voice a little gruff.

“Wait, are you on your way already? You better not be talking on the phone while driving, Blaine Devon Anderson,” Pam scolds. 

“No, no,” Blaine assures her. “Oh…I’m coming soon.”

“Good, because your grandparents are here, and they’re expecting to see you at dinner.”

“Yes, yes,” Blaine says. “I love you…”

“Love you too,” his mother coos. 

Blaine disconnects the call and tosses the phone aside just before he comes down Kurt’s throat, and Kurt swallows it down and wipes at his mouth, a sly grin on his face. 

* * *

**#7**

 

 

“Oh,  _Blaine_ ,” Kurt whimpers, feeling the friction between them, both painfully hard and constrained by their clothing. 

Blaine rolls his hips down again, rubbing and rutting against Kurt, their bodies slotted and sliding together. 

Each downward movement sends them swaying, the back of the swing rhythmically knocking up against the railing of the porch. 

Kurt can feel a wet spot forming on the inside of his underwear, and they’re both  _so close_ …

Blaine hopes that the episode of  _Say Yes to the Dress_  his mother is watching in the living room is turned up loud enough to drown out the sound of wood against wood. 

* * *

**#8**

 

 

“That’s  _gross_ , Blaine,” Kurt says, his brow furrowing a bit. 

“Oh, I thought that was where I had to insert it,” Blaine responds, a little embarrassed, his eyes scanning the slightly intimidating form laid out before him. 

Kurt shifts, repositioning himself, and then he eagerly takes Blaine into his mouth, sucking and licking just how he knows Blaine likes it. 

Blaine closes the laptop and melts into the sensation of Kurt’s lips wrapped around his dick. And when Kurt takes him in deeper, Blaine cries out, “ _F-fuck_ …filing taxes can wait.”  

* * *

**#9**

 

 

They’re standing there, in  _that_  aisle, and Kurt is wrapped around Blaine, his chin set on his shoulder as they check out all the different varieties for purchase in their colorful packaging.  

“ _Extended pleasure_ ,” Kurt purrs into Blaine’s ear, and he can hardly keep himself from nibbling on it. 

Blaine’s been fighting the rush of blood to his nether regions the entire trip to the store, a grabby and very horny Kurt at his side with the inability to keep his hands and mouth to himself, and he feels his pants begin to tighten as he reaches out to pluck the box from the shelf. 

“Blaine? Kurt?” a familiar voice calls out, and they both turn abruptly. 

“Carole,” Kurt says with a small nervous laugh, his face now turning a deep scarlet.  

Burt enters the aisle from the other side, starting when he sees the boys standing there, a box of condoms on display in Blaine’s grasp. Blaine’s hand shoots downward, and he quickly brings it to his side as if to conceal it. 

Burt clears his throat, adjusts his hat on his head, grabs a bottle of lube from the top shelf, and then exits the aisle with Carole in tow to make their way to the registers. 

Much to Blaine’s surprise and slight dismay, Kurt recovers quickly from the awkward encounter, and they promptly leave the store with their purchase only for Blaine to end up in the car with Kurt’s head in his lap in the middle of the parking lot. 

* * *

**#10**

 

 

“Oh my god, Kurt, it’s  _huge_ ,” Blaine gasps. 

“And you’re surprised?” Kurt says, a little cocky, turning to look in the mirror at his own unsheathed, incredibly hard dick, a pantless Blaine on the floor below him. 

Their eyes meet in the mirror, unnaturally wide and distorted orbs, dark with lust. 

Blaine shifts, rotating his body to get a good look at his own bare bottom, wide and stretched. 

There’s at least a dozen images of Blaine’s ass reflecting back at them. 

Kurt giggles, no longer able to suppress his amusement. 

At least the park lives up to its name, he thinks, but perhaps the mirror maze in the funhouse was not the best choice of location to have mirror sex. 

* * *

**#11**

 

 

Blaine chases Kurt around the backyard, growling and barking out a laugh when he nearly trips but catches his balance. 

Kurt looks behind him at his pursuer, and then he’s searching for a place to hide, though the hunt is titillating. Kurt’s looking for a nut, and it’s killing him that Blaine is so close now. Quick on his feet, he climbs up into the lowest branch of a tree and looks down at a breathless Blaine. 

Kurt thinks that Blaine could just snatch him down and have his way, but instead he obediently takes a seat at the base of the tree - and  _whines_. He gives Kurt those sad, shining puppy-dog eyes filled with longing and desperation, and Kurt can’t help it, he can never resist. 

He climbs back down to the ground, opens his fur suit in the front as Blaine begs for the bone on all fours, and then thrusts his cock into Blaine’s eager mouth.  

* * *

**#12**

 

 

When Kurt scores passes to Comic-Con, he has no idea what’s in store for him. 

Santana, in full Poison Ivy cosplay, and Brittany, as Harley Quinn, drag him along through the convention hall, having somehow convinced him to dress as Robin. 

It’s not until he finds his Batman that it feels a bit like fate. 

“Oh, mysterious masked man,” Kurt says, down on his knees in the dark room, completely submissive and at the will of this man. 

“Master,” he corrects. 

“Master…” Kurt whimpers. 

Batman pulls something from his utility belt and begins to tie Kurt up, whispering into his ear, “The safe word is ‘Alfred’.” 

Kurt feels a prickling heat run underneath his skin, the man’s breath in his ear raising goosebumps along its surface, and he closes his eyes, breathing in deeply, never so turned on in his life. 

And then he’s blindfolded. 

And Batman’s mouth is on places and doing things he never knew could feel so good. Like the animal he is, Batman bites down into Kurt’s shoulder, and it’s suddenly too much. 

“Ow -  _Al-Alfred_!” he cries out. 

The door flings open, and Batman freezes, turning quickly to take in another fully-dressed cosplayer. 

“You called, Master Bruce?” His face completely drops, and he tries to look away from the scene before him. 

“Oh, shit, Sam,” Batman hisses, “I told you to go off and find the vendors room and I would catch up with you.”

“Fuck, Blaine. I mean, d _amn_ …Bruce.”

Kurt squirms, still unable to see past the fabric pressed over his eyes, but knowing that yet another man is looking at him makes him feel like he’s going to climax right then and there.  

Sam looks down at Kurt and licks his lips. “Well, Robin did call out for me.”

Kurt bites his bottom lip and nods. “Yes, please.” 

Alfred steps inside the closet, and with only a slight hesitation, Blaine closes the door. 

As Kurt takes it from both men, he knows he’s certainly gotten his penny's worth coming to - and  _at_ \- the con. And he would certainly come again. 

* * *

**#13**

 

 

“You’re so good at this,” Kurt manages, short of breath. He gasps and tangles his fingers in the curls at the back of Blaine’s head. “ _Oh_ , come on, come on, come on,  _come on_!” 

Blaine increases his suction as Kurt, weak in the knees from the intense stimulation, grips the cool, porcelain sink behind him to prevent from collapsing. 

“Come on, come on and take it.  _Take_  it!” Kurt nearly yells, fucking into Blaine’s mouth now, Blaine’s skillful tongue bringing him so  _so close_  to release. 

“ _Take another little piece of my heart now, baby!_ ” he sings out as he comes into the hot, wet heat of Blaine’s mouth. 

Snooki and The Situation was one thing, but Kurt never knew that Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison couple costumes could be so fucked up in all the right ways, not knowing that when he mentioned “Down on Me” for karaoke that Blaine would take it so literally and that he’d be getting his rocks off with his King of Rock in Rachel Berry’s private bathroom. 

Yeah, he got it, and it made him feel  _so_  good. 


End file.
